To begin this blog I would like to start with the way that I was brought up. I was taught at a very young age to pray, be sympathetic, empathetic, kind, thoughtful, and understanding. I was taught by my parents to care. Care about God, care about the elderly, care about babies, care about my family, care about nature, care about my friends, and to care about myself. This is a great trait to be given as it has made me a better person for it. However, caring can be hard on an individual. When you care too much about others and the things going on around you, it can then wear and tear on your own heart strings. Emotions are a strong area of life and when you feed off of others and have compassion for others emotions and emotional states then these feelings can ultimately revert back on to your own emotions.
As some know I have recently started a large, great, wonderful chapter in my life. I have newly become engaged to a wonderful man, one that shares the same values, ethics, and moral code that I follow. We are planning our very soon to be wedding, and thinking about all of the future adventures that await us. Be it adding on to the house and starting a family, these are things that we know we will be tackling in our upcoming future as newlyweds. Things are going very well for me even though I am very busy, stressed, and working hard to stay up to date on all the areas of my life that are fully in place and moving at a fast pace. I always try to allow time for relaxing, self-care, fun, and adventure; alongside all the tasks that I am completing that are associated with wedding planning, teacher work, doctoral work, and the everyday housework. What I am getting at is that life is busy but I am blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined. That being said, there is still a guilt; a guilt that comes along with this feeling of being so eternally grateful for what God has given me.
Guilt. Everyone hears the word guilt and assumes guilt comes from feeling guilty that you’ve done something wrong or against your typical code of ethics. Guilt doesn’t have to be a negative thing. There is a guilt that comes from being grateful. I am grateful for the positives in my life, even with as overwhelming as life can be sometimes, but I am guilty for how much joy God has blessed me with when I know others are struggling and facing more challenging life events. It is possible to feel guilt from the over pouring generosity of the people that love and care about you knowing that they have so many of their own important things going on in their own lives. A question of how am I worthy of such great family, friends, and large life milestones to have blessed my life begins to overflow my mind. A feeling of guilt knowing that others have more important life challenges and adventures going on in their individuals lives, but they continue to want to take the time to be a part of my adventure. There is a guilt that comes along with happiness when you know there are others that are still continuing to struggle with how the cards of their lives have been dealt thus far. What makes me so deserving? Why was I blessed to be as happy as I am? Only God knows how things are meant to be. I for one am beyond thankful for what he has done for me. It took me a while to find my happiness, as it is Gods timeline and not my own. I believe everyone is where they are meant to be under the eyes and love of God. I am grateful of how my cards have been dealt, though it is hard not to feel the guilt that comes along with being grateful.
