PSA: This is a no holds barred blog. It may be uncomfortable to read, hear, and understand.
But…If you have anything negative to say about it you can keep it to yourself.
Let’s begin with my stance. I don’t fall at the feet of celebrities. I don’t care about the royal family and I deeply don’t like Chrissy T. However, because I feel this way does not make me cold, negative, or have a lack of compassion towards their miscarriage and still born birth.
Why am I saying this?
Social media. Both of these celebrity figures have shared their loss stories publicly. Both of these celebrities have been attacked by many internet trolls that have a complete lack of understanding and compassion. What type of horrible world do we live in that people can’t understand grief when it comes to child loss.
The comments. Comments I have seen thus far goes as follows: she’s is doing it for attention, she’s lying, these things should be private, at least she has one baby, why are you mourning six months later it’s time to get over it, that’s what you get for your pro choice stance, it happens move on, it’s only a bunch of cells, and the list goes on.
Are you fricken kidding me?!
Why do these people feel this way?
Let’s dig into that shall we.
My guess is they have never felt the severe heartbreak of a miscarriage or still birth. The feeling of a wanted and loved baby being ripped away from you in what is some of the most traumatic scenarios you’ve ever endured.
Maybe they haven’t been the 1 in 4 or seen a woman and her husband crying because the plans they made for their bundle of joy are never going to be possible. The names they picked are now irrelevant and they may not see a family in their sights.
Maybe they can’t comprehend that a miscarriage or a still birth is a loss of a child.
Maybe they don’t know what it’s like to have infertility or recurrent miscarriages that play an agonizing toll on your physical and mental well being.
Maybe they aren’t in the 1%.
Maybe they haven’t experienced finding out that their baby stopped growing weeks ago and your body still hasn’t caught on; meaning you’re baby has been dead inside of you for weeks.
Maybe they haven’t experienced the feeling of miscarrying at home and losing so much blood that you pass out only to still need an invasive surgery to take out the remaining tissue.
Maybe they didn’t have to collect the “tissue” from their miscarriage at home to be tested to determine why they are having recurrent miscarriages. (The so called eight week ball of cells by the way have identifiable eyes when you’re collecting your so called “tissue”. Wondering how I know that?)
Maybe they didn’t have to go through labor and delivery for a baby that is no longer breathing.
Maybe this didn’t have to make funeral arrangements for the child they got to hold but don’t get to bring home in a car seat with a welcome to the world onesie.
Maybe they didn’t realize how insensitive and absolutely horrible they are for expecting families that suffer from miscarriages and stillbirths to suffer privately or get over their grief quickly.
Maybe they don’t realize that they are the reason that there is such a negative stigma that women are scared to face by sharing their stories publicly.
Maybe they don’t realize that we have the right to grieve however we damn well please and that we aren’t going to stop the process in which we grieve because they are uncomfortable with child loss.
Maybe they don’t realize that they can keep their negativity to themselves.
My prayer.
As a sufferer of recurrent miscarriages and a support for many other momma’s going through this trialing and hard road. I pray that we all get our rainbow babies. I pray we don’t have to suffer the wrath of negative comments as we choose to share and express ourselves through the grief of our losses. I pray the stigma of miscarriages and still births being kept entirely private be lessened. I pray that people have a better understanding that this grieving process is necessary and that our feelings we have towards our losses are valid.